Days of Being LJ

Occasionally you get these moments when you suddenly think…shit…I have nothing to do and I still have a good few hours before the pull of sleep lulls me to by unkempt bed. There’s no tennis tournament on, there’s no TV I’d like to watch, I’ve run out of new movies to experience, I’ve read everything I needed to read and watch online, I’ve had enough of talking to my family, none of my friends are online and there’s no partner in the vicinity, or in actual reality to annoy.

So what does one do? I have that pile of scripts and “How to write scripts” articles sitting in a folder on my computer waiting to be engulfed in enthusiastic fervour yet my current feeling is shit! I do have ideas…ideas for films, TV shows, stage plays, radio plays, novels, short stories, but in the end my efforts will get me nowhere and if they do I’ll be screwed over by some corporation which will strip the heart and soul from my work leaving it an empty shell which no one will be able to enjoy and be so derided that I will never set foot in a creative world ever again…

So instead I sit here not bothering to actually do anything. Which is exactly the crux of the issue because when we produce nothing how can we predicate the results, the reception and relative future?

Plans I’ve had in my teens, poof, reality got the better of them. Plans I had in university still linger in the back of my mind waiting, lying dormant, waiting for that extra spark of energy which will seemingly never come as each day becomes more linear and predictable as the next.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not unhappy, far from it. I have a job I like, I have a home, I don’t go hungry, I have quite a bit of disposable income. Yet why still this feeling of going nowhere, doing nothing, this cycle of almost false emotions dictating whether today I’ll laugh, be angry, cry or be depressed.

Is this my final acceptance of mortality? Of life which exists for most people in the western world? Perhaps as kids we become so accustomed to the quest for “Fortune & Glory”, the goals of fame, money and celebrity. If we don’t reach any of those goals we feel slightly empty because we take a step back and realise that for the rest of our lives it’ll mostly be:

work 5 days a week, go to the gym 3 nights a week, eat out 2 nights a week, consume an exorbitant amount of media, tutor our kids in life, cook dinner 5 nights a week, play tennis on Sundays, get drunk occasionally, have sex infrequently (if even that lucky), travel 2 weeks a year…

rinse and repeat till you die…

okay maybe this is all cause I’m really bored right now, I’ll go watch some Graham Norton to cheer me up…

LJK life boredom, existential ramblings, life, musings

okay, so I completely lied when I said I was going to retrospectively blog about the Australian Open, I’ve just managed to go through ALL 5205 photos I took and turned them into jpegs. I still am planning on listening to the podcasts, however only when I don’t get sick at the sound of my own voice…ahem

So why haven’t I been blogging? Well, there’s nothing really to blog about really, Twitter is taking care of all my tennis needs, work has been brilliant thus far, and I haven’t really had anything to really bitch about.

Of course I say that and by tomorrow something will have gone catastrophically wrong which will make me eat my words.

Life is currently devoid of any long term goals, short term goals are to get fitter, lose some weight so I can lose the joint issues and improve at tennis.

All in all I’m quite content, not resoundingly happy but very comfortable. Currently I’m in my TV rotation, working on a little video game show which is somewhat satiating my creativity and thus I haven’t found the necessary angst to go out and seek some masochistic activity (i.e updating this blog). I adore the people I work with and most of the work I do but knowing that my rotation ends in about 3 weeks will probably kill all this latent joy and send me screaming back to this blog.

But before then, I think I may enjoy what little solace I have left, grab some more sleep and you may not hear from me till mid-year

depending on how my next rotation goes I guess.

Leave you guys with a photo from the Aussie Open:

Practise before 4th Rd AO2010

The crowd at any Federer practise is amazing, amassed 5-7 deep alongside the entire court, with spectators also peering from the top of the stands of nearby courts.  People forget about personal space, courtesy or shame just for a glimpse of a living legend. I’ve been at the back of the throng, I’ve also been lucky to be at the front, leaning into the fence, close enough to lean in and almost feel the whoosh of the racquet.

This shot was taken during a warmup hit before his 4th round encounter with Lleyton Hewitt.  I was sandwiched within the throng, finding a precarious balance behind a young boy who was too short to see anything and in between two tall guys. Because Federer was practising on the other side of the court he usually was on, photos had to be carefully taken between a smattering of head, hair, shoulders and armpits all smushed up against the fence in front. But even under the fading afternoon light, framed by the seething mass of humanity, Roger Federer seemed to look into the soul of my camera, almost as if to ask;

“I mean really? Do you think you have a big enough lens? Yeesh, can you leave me alone to practise?”

LJK life blogging, life, musings, photography, roger federer, sport, tennis, work

I did entertain the thought of writing a retrospective post for 2009 but in between sauntering off with family on xmas adventures, Wicked the musical, loads of food and BBC xmas specials, I really couldn’t be bothered.

Upon reflection I guess 2009 was this:

In the beginning I was fighting fit, tanned but very broody

unemployment was my game and lack of future prospects made me cruddy

somehow an interview in Jan landed me a job in a place I dreamt

but I quickly went from neat and officey to threadlessly unkempt

frustrations boiled and insomnia plagued my Uni rattled body

I realised fulltime work for the next 40 years will drive me potty

so I lost myself in food that was junk and taboo

in tv shows set in Rome, on Battlestars and  in Cylon goo

got back into photography and unleashed my dormant talent

along with a deep abiding love for all special tennis moments

especially those of Federer, painful loses and sweetest wins

gave me excitement on my boring days and plastered a grin

on my ever widening face.

However my lack of grace,

was personified as i tried to emulate the GOAT on an actual court

as i thought skills for the game could easily be store bought

along the way of corporate restructures and freebie film tickets

in the end my friends and family were still the winning wickets

On the cusp of 2010, a month till I’m twenty-four

I need to get this body back to where it was before

leaner, fitter and fighting for those goals unaccomplished

to keep those creative juices flowing and unblemished.

Happy New Year Everyone and Best Wishes for 2010.

LJK life 2009, family, musings, poetry, retrospection